The Shadows of Christmas Past Read online

  "You could have killed me! Maybe you want to kill me just like everyone says," Jase burst out. He glared at Cole. "Maybe you tried to kill the doc just so she wouldn't find out about you."

  "Jase!" Maia said firmly. "That's enough. You're afraid and angry, but don't say things you can't take back."

  "He didn't put a gun in your face. He's been in jail. Everyone knows he's been there," Jase continued, breathing hard, his young face twisted with fear and hurt.

  "Come sit down over here," Maia patted the couch beside her. "I can tell you whatever Cole may have done or not done in his life, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Someone is trying to drive a wedge between the two of you." She didn't look at Cole. She couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes she knew would be there. He stood motionless, a man apart, isolated, hurt beyond reason and unwilling to risk himself further.

  Jase flung himself onto the couch beside Maia, tears glittering in his eyes. "I hate this. I hate my life." He included Maia in his glare. "I hate that you stick up for him. You don't even know him. You don't know whether he killed our father, or whether he hurt Wally and tried to hurt me. You don't even know whether or not he covered that walkway with ice in order to hurt you. Everyone says he's after my share of the money, and maybe he is." A sob escaped, and his chest heaved as he tried to hold the emotion in.

  "That's enough," Cole's tone was low, but it was a whiplash.

  "That doesn't even make sense, Jase," Maia said softly. "I knew about the gun. If you went into the stable and startled Cole, of course he pulled the gun. Someone hurt your horse. Naturally Cole would be worried about all of our safety."

  Jase rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles, looking four instead of fourteen. Cole let out his breath slowly as his younger brother's expression became somewhat mollified.

  "Cole, you need to talk to Jase. I can leave the room if you want me to, but he needs you to share your life with him. You're helping whoever is persisting in these rumors about you trying to kill Jase. You're enabling whoever is attempting to keep you from trusting one another by remaining silent about your past. If you want this to work between you, you have to trust one another, and the only way to do that is to get to know each other." Maia held her breath, waiting for Cole to tell her to go to hell.

  There was a long silence. She stole a quick glance at his face. His rugged features were very still, expressionless. He stared over her head at the wall behind them. A muscle jerked in his jaw, the only sign that he'd heard her. She could feel Jase trembling, could feel the tension in his body winding tighter and tighter. With a small sigh, she twisted her fingers together. What could she say to convince them?

  "I saw the shadow of a man holding a pitchfork and thought someone was stalking me. I didn't know it was you. I yelled at you because I was afraid I could have hurt you accidentally. I didn't hurt the horse, and I sure don't want your money."

  Jase looked a little embarrassed. "Maybe I didn't mean everything I said. It just reminded me of… things."

  "I know what you mean," Cole said. "He shoved a gun in my face more than once too. I'm sorry I scared you."

  "That's all right." Some of the tension began to drain from the boy's body.

  "I was in jail, Jase." Cole took a deep breath, let it out. His fingers curled involuntarily into a fist. "I work for the DEA. I went into prison undercover to stop a very large drug ring involving guards, inmates, and the supply trucks. I've worked undercover most of my life. It's an isolating job and makes you very distrustful of everything and everyone around you." He made the confession in a rush, wanting to get it over with, half-horrified that he was letting them both into his life. "I don't tell people what I do. It's habit, and it's kept me alive over the years."

  Maia kept her lips firmly pressed together, astonished, not by what he'd said, but that he'd admitted it. Cole Steele was not a man who'd easily reveal the details of his life. She wanted to console him, put her arms around him and hold him close, but neither Jase nor Cole could allow a show of compassion. Beside her, Jase was trembling, uncertain how to react to his brother's revelation. Tension coiled around Cole, his face a mask without expression. Only his eyes were alive, turbulent and raw with pain.

  "You're some kind of a cop?" Jase asked. His voice cracked, making him sound younger and even less sure of himself.

  Cole nodded. "I have a small apartment in San Francisco that I rarely use. Most of the time I'm on the road, sent undercover to various countries. Sometimes it's here in the U.S. We carefully cultivated my reputation and network in the drug world. When the old man was investigating me, the P.I. raised a red flag, and we fed him the details of my life just the way we do everyone who investigates me. I was using a different name, and the private investigators just assumed I'd covered my tracks to be rid of the old man. They bought my undercover role and took it at face value. So now Cole Steele has the same background as my persona at work."

  "And you didn't want me to know?"

  Cole flinched inwardly at the hurt in the boy's voice. "I wanted to wait until we knew each other better, Jase. Things have been so bad for you. I'm not used to being around anyone for an extended period of time. I had to know if I could be someone you could count on."

  "But you let all those people say that you were here to kill me."

  Cole nodded. "And I'll continue to let them say it. I don't care what people say or think about me. I'm only concerned with what you say and think."

  "I tried not to think they might be right, but I found your glove by the fence. And sometimes, when you look really mean, you look a little bit…" Jase trailed off.

  The knot in his gut tightened. Cole refused to look at Maia. "I've seen the resemblance. I always carry a gun, Jase."

  "I guess I'm not supposed to tell anyone."

  "I'd rather you didn't," Cole said.

  "Are you going to go away again?"

  Maia felt the boy beside her, stiff and awkward. She could feel fear rolling off him and immediately locked her gaze with Cole's. Pleading with him. Hurting for him. Did he realize how important that single question was? The relationship between the two brothers was so fragile.

  Cole felt the impact of Maia's eyes. He swallowed his first careful answer. He had promised himself he would change the boy's life. He couldn't very well do it from a distance. His leave of absence might turn out to be far longer than he'd anticipated. "I'll stay as long as you need me, Jase. Or want me. It's up to you."

  Jase jumped to his feet. "All right then. I won't say anything." His voice was gruff, covering his emotions. "I'm sorry I believed those people, even for a minute."

  "I think you were smart to be careful, Jase. After what we've been through, we need to build our relationship on solid ground."

  Jase nodded and practically ran from the room.

  Maia guessed he was close to tears. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to intrude on such a personal moment with Jase. I couldn't figure out a way to leave gracefully in the middle of it all. I won't say anything about your life to anyone."

  "I never thought you would" And he hadn't. That was the strange part. It never once occurred to him she might reveal the truth about what he did. And did that mean he trusted her? Cole turned away from her to stare out the window at the driving snow. "We have a problem here, Doc. More than one, and I'm going to need your help."

  "You don't think the ice got there naturally, do you?" Maia said shrewdly.

  "No I don't. And I don't think a ghost is running around the ranch turning on hoses and arranging accidents with the horses."

  She studied his face. He wore an expressionless mask, but there was something frightening about the expression in his eyes. "It's Jase, isn't it? You're worried about him."

  Cole glanced toward the door. "Yeah, I'm worried."

  Maia sighed. "It was definitely a human driving Wally through the fence."

  He spun around, his gaze sharp as it raked her face. "What makes you so sure?"

  She pulled the ice pac
k away from her head. "If I told you, you'd want me locked up in a little cell. Suffice to say, I just know."

  He stalked across the room and crouched down in front of her, his face inches from hers. "Not good enough. Tell me."

  Maia pushed at the wall of his chest. "Stop invading my space. I don't know you well enough to tell you. I don't know anyone that well." She couldn't think straight with him so close. He was the most sensual man she'd ever met. His eyes were just so intense, his features etched with need.

  "I told you about the DEA."

  "You told Jase, not me. I just happened to be in the same room."

  "I told you. You know damn well I was telling you." He pulled away from her, a flash of irritation on his face. "I don't even know why I wanted you to know, but if I'm going to come unraveled around you, the least you could do is open up a little."

  "You aren't asking for a little. You had me investigated before you ever made your big move on me, didn't you?"

  "Hell yes. I'd investigate the pope if his life touched Jase's life." He stood up and put the length of the room between them, his eyes alive with the suppressed rage that was always swirling so close when he confronted his own demons.

  She stared up at him for a long moment. "You investigated Jase too, didn't you?"

  "I'm not about to apologize for it either, Doc. You have no idea what our lives were like." He stopped abruptly, going very still, watching her expression. "Or do you? How do you know things?"

  Maia hesitated. She was going to ruin her chances of ever being a permanent veterinarian anywhere if she told him.

  "It's important. Do you really know things? Would you know if Jase drove that horse into the fence? Or if I did it?" How could she know?

  Maia caught a glimpse of the fear in him, and it all fell into place. He suspected Jase of being like their father. It made sense. "It wasn't Jase. The man was too big." She didn't want to continue, but she couldn't let him think such a monstrous thing.

  "How do you know?"

  "The animals."

  The room went totally silent. Maia shifted deeper into the cushions, trying to avoid seeing the look she knew would be in his eyes. She pressed her fingers into her eyes in an effort to relieve the headache that continued to pound.

  Cole studied her face for a long time. "You mean they really do talk to you?" he asked, trying hard to keep skepticism from his voice. She was being serious and waiting for him to scoff at her. Maia Armstrong had secrets; it was there in her eyes, in the way she avoided looking at him, and he intended to find out what they were.

  "Not exactly," she hedged. "Look, do we have to do this? Is it really necessary?"

  "You know things about me no one else knows. Hell you know more about the Steele family than most people do. What are you afraid of?"

  "I'm a veterinarian, Steele. You think people are going to want some nutcase treating their animals? And that's what they'll call me." She didn't have to tell him anything. She could stare him down, tell him to go to hell, be stubbornly silent. Maia was capable of all of those things. So why was she sitting there like some sacrifice, waiting for the axe to fall?

  "No one is here but the two of us." Cole was back in front of her, crouching down, his hand on her knee. His piercing blue eyes caught and held her gaze as if to give her courage. "How do the animals talk to you?" Could it really be possible? There was no getting around the fact that several animals had run out in front of his vehicle as he drove through the blizzard to get to the ranch, and each time she had known they were there before they could actually see them.

  Maia shook her head, but couldn't look away from him. There was no escaping Cole Steele and his brother, or their pain, shrieking at her from the depths of their being.

  "Telling you the truth about working for the DEA wasn't so bad once I did it. It was actually a relief to tell you the truth. I don't talk about the old man and my childhood, but now you know, and I don't have to worry that somehow I'll slip up and you'll find out things that I've kept hidden away."

  "It isn't the same thing, Cole."

  "Just say it, Maia. You know I'm going to badger you until you do."

  It was the way he said her name. A caress. A silky, satin tone that brushed over her skin and slipped inside of her. Disarmed her. He always called her "Doc" and somehow by using her first name it created an intimacy between them. A trust. "I see their memories. I don't know how, but I've always been able to see things they've seen. The memories come to me in images, very vivid and, most of the time, very distressing."

  He caught her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him. "Why would you be afraid to tell me?"

  Maia pulled away from him, shrinking back against the thickly upholstered couch. "Most people would just think I was crazy." She shook her head, her gaze avoiding his. "I know it sounds crazy." Why had she even admitted it? What was wrong with her? She knew better than to say anything. Cole Steele of all people. What was she thinking?

  "Tell me what Wally saw."

  Maia's gaze jumped to his. Held there. "A young boy dragged from the stable, kicked, beaten around the head and shoulders. Something thin and long hitting the child over and over. The boy screaming. The man was about your height, but thinner. Once he dragged the boy out by his hair. He slapped him repeatedly in the face." She swallowed, rubbed her hand over her face as if to clear away the memories. "The boy was Jase and the abuse didn't just happen once." She pressed her fingertips against her eyelids again as if she could shut out the vision. "I hate that I know these things because there's never anything I can do about it."

  Cole's palm curved around the nape of her neck, his fingers massaging the tension out of her. "It never occurred to me that animals would be witnessing crimes."

  "Just because they can't talk doesn't mean they don't see things."

  Cole turned over her revelation in his mind, over and over. It was a fascinating premise. Could it be true? He had his hand on her, could feel the tension running through her body. She was waiting for him to scoff at her, yet the idea that she could really "see" memories of an animal was bizarre. She could easily have guessed the things that had happened to Jase.

  "What about the attack on the horse? Who drove him into the fence?"

  "A large man, tall with wide shoulders. It couldn't have been Jase. He's small and thin, and Wally likes him."

  "Tall like me, you mean," Cole said, his voice cool.

  "Yes, but Wally likes you too." It sounded so stupid. Utterly ridiculous. Maia shook her head, her face flaming. "I know it sounds weird. Go ahead, tell me I belong in a mental institution."

  The pad of his thumb absently stroked her pulse. Each brush sent small tongues of fire licking over her skin. Electricity seemed to leap from his skin to hers. She forced air through her lungs, waiting for him to react. Waiting for his condemnation.

  "Who told you that you were crazy?" he asked quietly.

  She flinched. She tried not to, but she couldn't prevent her reaction. "Does it matter? It does sound crazy."

  "I think so."

  She lifted her chin, her turquoise eyes blazing into his. "A man I dated. Another vet. I thought we were close, and he asked me how I managed to figure out what was wrong all the time with wild animals, and I was dumb enough to answer him."

  "And he said you were crazy?"

  "I don't blame him. Unfortunately, he told everyone at the clinic, including the pet owners, and I was out of work. That I did blame him for."

  Cole leaned in close and brushed his lips, feather-light over hers. Her heart somersaulted. "He was the idiot, Maia." He pulled back slightly, blinking so that her attention was drawn from his mouth to his lashes. He was so masculine, but for those incredible eyelashes. She wanted to touch his face, to feel his skin. Cole Steele was totally mesmerizing, and she could see why women fell so easily under his spell.

  "You're way out of my league, Steele. Sit over there somewhere and stop touching me." She pointed to a chair across the room.

 
; "Am I getting to you?" A ghost of a smile flickered over his mouth for the briefest of moments.

  Maia's heart stuttered in reaction. She'd never seen him smile, and she couldn't actually call the curve to his lips a smile, it hadn't lit his blue eyes, but it was enough for her to know if he ever did, she would melt. "Yes."

  Cole didn't move, his gaze going hot as it moved over her face, focusing on her mouth. "It's about time."

  "Stop that." His mouth was only a scant few inches from hers. She could feel the warmth of his breath. His body leaned into hers, his chest bumped against her knees. His palm was still curled around the nape of her neck, and his thumb swept over her jaw. Her stomach tightened. "You're dangerous." Her voice came out in a whisper. An ache.

  "I thought I was, but I've changed my mind." His lips brushed a second time over hers. Teasing. A caress that wasn't quite a caress. "I've decided you're the dangerous one. I tell myself to stay away from you, but I just can't seem to do it." His lips tempted hers again. Firming. Coaxing. His tongue stroked across the seam of her mouth. His teeth tugged on her lower lip.

  Maia gasped and let him in. Let him stake his claim. His mouth pressed firmly against her, hot and moist and all too expert. Somehow he wedged his body between her legs, pulling her close, his arms strong as they wrapped around her. Her body went boneless, the heat leaping like a wildfire between them.

  His fingers snagged in her hair and she yelped. They pulled apart, staring at one another, Maia gulping for air. His fingertips moved gently over her scalp. "I'm sorry, I got carried away."

  "I'll say you did!" Jase's voice was stern.

  Cole turned to find the boy leaning his hip against the doorway, his arms across his chest, a frown on his face.

  "Would either of you like to tell me what's going on?" Jase asked straight-faced, effectively reducing his older brother to a teenager caught necking.

  "I'd rather not," Maia said, trying not to laugh.