Judgment Road (Torpedo Ink #1) Page 19

  “Baby,” he whispered softly, his mouth against her temple, his lips brushing back and forth with kisses. “Wake up for me. You’re having another nightmare.” His hand pushed back the hair tumbling around her face, his fingers removing the silky strands that felt like cobwebs. “I shouldn’t have told you about that school. It’s gone now. Closed. The teachers are dead.”

  It took effort to lift her lashes and look at the face of her fallen angel. God. He was beautiful. A beautiful, troubled man, forged by the fires of hell, ravaged by monsters. She touched one of the scars on his face. She’d wanted to do that since the first moment she’d seen him, but Reaper wasn’t a man one touched. She expected him to stop her, but he didn’t. His eyes blazed down into hers and where before, she’d seen remoteness, cold, now she saw something else. Something that terrified her because it was there too late.

  “You can’t know that.”

  “What can’t I know, beautiful?” He turned his head and caught her finger in his mouth.

  Her stomach did a slow, fluttering roll. His mouth was hot. Scorching. His tongue slid along her finger. She was weak to let him do this. Hold her. Whisper to her. Be close when she was so vulnerable. Still, she didn’t pull away because he was everything she needed, and just like the sex, she’d take what she could get before she had to force herself to leave him.

  “You can’t know those horrible people are dead. You were just a little boy.”

  His eyes changed. Went dark. Flat. He let her finger slide away. “I killed them. One by one. I crawled through the vents of that school or I waited until they beat the hell out of me and let me out of the chains. Then I did it.” He rubbed his wrist and up his forearm.

  Her gaze dropped to the scars there, evidence that he was telling the truth. “You were a boy. How could you manage against grown men?”

  “And women,” he added. “Some of the women were the worst.”

  She felt the shudder that moved through his body. She wanted to hold him. Comfort him. Take away the very real nightmare he’d suffered.

  His hand moved through her hair. “I killed them, Anya, the first one when I was five. He’d tortured Savage. He brought him back to the dungeon, bloody, barely recognizable, and Czar and I decided enough was enough. We had to find a way to fight back or they were going to kill us too. That’s who you’re with. That’s the man I try so hard to get away from so you don’t have to be in bed with him, but he’s the biggest part of me.”

  He told her looking her straight in the eye. She saw that he was expecting condemnation. No wonder her angel had fallen from the skies. She couldn’t imagine that little boy, what he’d gone through and what he’d had to do to get out of such a hellhole. He really had been forged in the fires of hell. What of the others? She didn’t want to have sympathy for them, but what had been done to them? What had a prison, pretending to be a school, filled with pedophiles pretending to be instructors, done to all of the them? It was obvious: they had survived by working together.

  “The first time I saw you, Reaper, I thought you were the most beautiful man in the world. A fallen angel. I still think that. I think you’re the most amazing man to do the things in your life you’ve had to do. To overcome being in hell enough just to function.”

  For the first time his entire face softened, all those tough, hard features, all those lines and scars. “I’m always going to be in hell, baby,” he said. “There’s no other place for me.”

  Tears burned behind her eyes because that angel hadn’t seen her. He hadn’t looked into her to see the woman who would have walked through hell with him. “I know.” Why hadn’t he talked to her like this before? She might have had the courage to stay and try to fight for a relationship with him. Why hadn’t he held her after having sex with her? That might have had made her strong enough to outweigh the betrayal.

  “My head hurts. It really hurts and I can’t think.”

  “You’re thinking. Too much. It’s just us right now, Anya. The world can keep moving all around us, but just for now, in here, in the dark, it’s just the two of us.”

  “Are you trying to persuade me to stay?”

  “Yes.”

  His answer was stark and raw. So was the look on his face. She shook her head, and the action punctuated the pain. “I can’t. I need a man whose first loyalty is to me. I want him fierce with his protection of me and our children. With you, the club will always come first, and I understand. I do. I just can’t live with that. I want a family, Reaper. You have one. You have brothers and sisters who love you and are loyal to you in a way they could never be loyal to me. I’m glad you have that, I really am, but I need it too.”

  “They would accept you and be just as loyal to you. Baby, you have to understand what we’re like. Czar is the glue that held us together. He was the brains that got us out of there. He was the driving force to make us work harder, to practice our skills so we could each contribute in our fight to stay alive. We have absolute loyalty to one another, that’s true, but they’ll have that same loyalty to you once you’re with us. They will.”

  He hadn’t. Reaper had chosen the club over her. “I’m sure they’d be very loyal to me until they considered me a threat.” She might be able to find a way to forgive him, but not them, not the others. She would never believe they would accept her, and after what they’d done, she wouldn’t accept them. She needed to bide her time, stay sweet and keep her temper under control until she wasn’t so vulnerable.

  “Baby, I know we’re hard to understand. All we’ve ever known is protecting one another. The way this was handled wasn’t right, but it was the way we were trained. The way we survived.”

  “My head hurts. Really, Reaper. It’s getting worse.” She didn’t want to hear that his family would accept her and be loyal to her. She knew better even if he didn’t. They had a bond that was unbreakable and she understood it. She did. They’d grown up together, suffered together, knew one another’s worst secrets, of course they would be loyal to one another. It was an exclusive club and no one else would ever be truly welcomed.

  “I know your head aches, baby. I’ve texted Steele. He’ll be here shortly with the pain pills. You can go back to sleep after you eat something. You can’t take that shit on an empty stomach.”

  “What time is it?”

  “Around ten in the morning. Alena texted she was making breakfast for us. Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

  “Desperately.” She wasn’t certain she could face the light that would be outside in the hall. Her head felt as if someone had taken a baseball bat to her, but to her insides. Or sliced her up so there were pieces missing, protective covering that had been stripped away by a sharp blade.

  Reaper shifted her immediately and slid out from under the sheet, reaching for her. She loved being in his arms. He was extremely strong and gave her the illusion of protection. She knew that was what it was—pure illusion.

  “Do you remember Lana coming by last night? Or were you too sleepy?”

  He pulled open the door and the light hit her. It pierced her skull like a missile. She cried out, turned her head to bury it against his chest, her eyes squeezed shut as tightly as possible.

  “Do you?” he persisted.

  She didn’t want to remember Lana or her voice. That sadness. The regret. She knew it was genuine. Lana saying she liked her. That she should have stood up for her more. She’d said Reaper had and she should have backed him. Anya knew she needed to hold on to the fact that those she’d thought were her friends had turned on her. Reaper hadn’t helped her. He hadn’t stood in front of her and protected her. He’d chosen Czar and Blythe, not her.

  Light bounced off the pale-colored walls in the bathroom, putting spots before her eyes. He set her on her feet, and she clutched at the sink to keep from falling. “I have to be alone in here, Reaper. I can’t do the things I have to do if you’re in here with me.”

  “I’ll be in here if you fall, Anya,” he warned. “Don’t lock the door
.”

  She knew it was a waste of time, so why would she bother? He reluctantly went out and she was able to breathe deeply. She hadn’t realized she’d been breathing shallowly trying to keep him out of her lungs, out of her bloodstream.

  After taking caring of business, she stared at herself in the mirror. She looked worse than she’d first suspected. Far worse. There were dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was wild. She had thick hair and it tended to get bigger as the day progressed, which meant, going through the night, it had increased to gargantuan proportions. Her brush sat on the counter, but she couldn’t find the necessary energy to use it.

  She stood at the sink staring at herself in the mirror, wondering how she had fallen so hard so fast. How she was going to live through leaving her dream behind. She’d fought all her life to pull herself out of the gutters, but life kept knocking her down, trying to tell her she couldn’t leave the streets, she belonged there. She was the trash others threw away

  “Anya?” Reaper pushed the door open. “What the hell?” He was across the room, sweeping her into his arms. “Baby. You’re crying.”

  Was she? She hadn’t known, only that her image looked blurry in the mirror, but she really couldn’t see herself anymore. The reality of her had blurred and she thought that was the reason. She didn’t answer him. She just turned her face against the heavy muscles of his chest and let herself cry.

  “Reaper, get her in bed.”

  Steele’s voice penetrated the echo of her sobs. She clutched Reaper’s neck tighter. The way these people were about nudity drove her nuts. Reaper didn’t break stride, but took her back into the darkness of her bedroom. Dropping one knee to the bed, he put her in it. She caught the sheet and drew it up quickly.

  “Sit up, baby. Just for a minute. You need to take these pills. They’ll help the pain in your head. Remember last night? They took the pain away.”

  She took them without protest, her eyes downcast, but she could still see Steele standing in the doorway and knew he was watching her. She wanted to put the covers over her head. She remembered looking at him the night before. Looking at each of them, hoping to find some sympathy. Their faces had been as blank as Reaper’s, with maybe the exception of Lana’s.

  “Reaper. We’ve got a meeting in an hour.”

  “Meet without me. I’m staying with Anya.”

  That made her heart beat faster. Hope moved through her, and she squashed it ruthlessly down. Why did women accept men back when the men that hurt them tossed a bone to them? Men broke hearts, betrayed women, did horrible things, but one nice gesture and women were ready to forgive. To hope that one little statement meant Reaper cared for her—that she meant something to him after all. Maybe she did, but it hadn’t been enough. There was no fighting his club for him.

  “This is important.”

  “I’m aware we have to plan getting Hammer’s woman back. You and Czar do the planning. When I have to go, I will, but right now, my priority is Anya.”

  “So is ours, Reaper,” Steele said. “We have a situation.”

  Anya’s heart jumped in her chest. Steele was talking about her. Shewas the situation. The meeting was about her. Her fingers found the hem of the sheet and she pulled it inch by inch into her palm to make a tight fist. Terror swept through her. She couldn’t go through that interrogation again. Now she wanted Reaper gone so she could make her escape.

  “Am I a prisoner?” She had to know.

  Reaper spun around. “Of course not.” He looked genuinely shocked.

  “Then I want to go. Right now. Where are my clothes?”

  Reaper exchanged a look with Steele. “Baby, settle down. You’re in no condition to leave and you have nowhere to go. Lana and Blythe are working over at the house so I can take you there as soon as your headache is gone.”

  Her gaze strayed to Steele. “I’m not stupid. Something’s up involving me. I’m not going through that again. I won’t let any of you put me through that.” She sounded weak to her own ears, weak and shaky, but she hoped her determination came through. She would fight them every inch of the way. A part of her was screaming at her to shut up, to pretend everything was fine, go with the flow, and when she had lulled them into a false sense of security, make a break for it, but terror was mounting and she couldn’t help blurting out her resolve.

  “Anya. Look at me.” Reaper went to her, one knee on the bed, bending close so she was forced to look into his eyes. “I stand in front of you. That’s my solemn word. Ask anyone. I never go back on it. No one will touch you again. Not one of my brothers. Not one of my sisters, and no outsider. You’re under my protection. That’s my promise to you. You got me? You understand?”

  She searched his eyes. His face. Those beautiful features that were cut by numerous scars. Such a gorgeous man. So broken and damaged. Could she believe him? Would he really give her what he was telling her he would? She saw sincerity. She heard it in his voice.

  Did it make her weak to want to forgive something so unforgivable? What kind of woman had the capacity to do that? And what kind of life would she have if she truly were able to forgive him? One with the club? She wanted to believe Reaper, and maybe she was beginning to, but she knew she wouldn’t fit in. She just had to bide her time. Get stronger. Get some clothes … Very slowly she nodded.

  “Then settle. It’s a meeting. I’ll find out what the problem is and I’ll come back and let you know how we intend to fix it, if that’s what you want. But be careful of asking. Sometimes the truth isn’t easy,” he cautioned.

  She found she could breathe again. She nodded and looked past him to Steele. The man was young to be the vice president of the club. He was younger than Reaper. She had the feeling she knew why Reaper was called Reaper, but Steele? What did that mean?

  “Anya,” Steele addressed her. “I hope you’re feeling better.”

  She looked away from him. He’d been there. They’d all been there. Now, he, like Reaper, wanted it to be over. Maybe the pain was easing, but the fact that it had been done and done collectively, they’d all stood by and watched, she’d never get over.

  “I felt like an insect pinned to a board while all of you watched him torture me. I felt like it wouldn’t have mattered if I’d died like that. You all would have just sat there watching the show. So, no, I’m not feeling better.” She could be a bitch and she let that part of her loose out of self-preservation.

  “I can imagine it felt that way to you,” Steele said. “I’m sorry you’re hurting. There was no one in that room who felt good about what happened. All of us wanted to stop it and all of us wish it had never happened. I know that doesn’t go very far to make you feel any better, but it is the truth.”

  He disappeared out of the doorway, and Reaper sank down onto the bed next to her. “Did it really feel like that?”

  “Yes.” She wasn’t letting him off the hook. She could tell by the scars he’d covered with multiple tattoos that he’d been tortured. Maybe to the club members, what Absinthe had put her through wasn’t meant to torture, was just a means to an end, but it was enough to show her these people didn’t include her in their circle.

  “I want you to remember what I said, Reaper. I meant every word. You and the rest of them are never doing that to me again. I’ll find some way to stop you.”

  “I hear you, Anya.” He reached for her hair, ran his fingers through the strands as if fascinated by the dark mass. “You remember what I said and we’ll be fine.”

  They weren’t going to be fine, not ever again. Already the pills were easing the ache in her head and she wanted to run while she could, but Reaper was right when he said she had nowhere to go. Her car had seen better days and had finally decided to give up the ghost. Ghost. She shivered and rubbed her hands down her arms. Those men were scary in a different way than the club members were.

  “Do the men from the Ghost Club really have a woman right now?”

  His eyes went on alert. It was strange how fast his demeanor chan
ged, going from sweet to all business. “Why do you ask?”

  “I was thinking about my car and it reminded me of the club where I worked and what those men did to my roommate. They didn’t kill her outright, Reaper. They hurt her as much as they could before they let her die. At some point, they had to know she wasn’t me, but they still continued.”

  “If you worked for them, wouldn’t they recognize you?”

  She shook her head. “These men weren’t ever in the club. I hadn’t seen them before.”

  “Wait.” Reaper rubbed his jaw. “I’m confused. You saw these men, but they were never in the bar where you worked.”

  She shook her head. “No, as far as I know they were never in the club, but I saw them as I was coming home. They were getting off the elevator in my apartment building. I knew they were affiliates of the club though. They wear cuff links. Little gold ghosts. When I first saw the manager of the club’s cuffs, I thought they were cool. I remember I even said something about them to him.”

  Reaper shook his head, annoyed with himself. He’d missed that. The two men attempting to take apart the Mayhem president’s wife and daughter had worn suits. He hadn’t thought to check cuff links. It was a good observation. “You think they have a hit team?” It was not only possible but probable. They would be men not used to wearing jeans and tees in a bar. His heart began a slow acceleration. “Last night, those three men Alena sat with briefly. Had you ever seen them before?”

  She sat up, her eyes going wide. That was his woman. Smart. Catching on fast. “Those men … The meeting Steele wants you to go to. They may have been here for me.”

  “Even if they have found you, they’ll never get to you. You’re safe. Every man will fight for you. Lena and Alena too. The entire club.”

  “And who will keep me safe from them?”

  Her voice broke his heart. “I will. Always. You can trust that.”

  The sheet slid down her soft skin to pool around her waist. She had full breasts. He hadn’t had the opportunity to touch them, to feast on them. He’d thrown those chances out the window. Sitting there, looking at her, there was no resisting that temptation, not even when his mind went to the ugly possibility that those men had come to find Anya, not Czar and Blythe. Especially not when that was a possibility.